Beautiful

Destiny
May 5
5 min read

Desirable or Not? Wrestling with My Worth in a World Obsessed with Looks

A chic couple hugging and looking intensely into each others eyes

Honestly, today I looked in the mirror and felt like I was losing this battle again. I’ve wrestled with feeling desirable for a long time—some seasons more quietly, and others (like today) loud enough that it drowns out everything else. I knowmy worth comes from Christ. But my heart? My heart still flinches every time I notice who gets attention and who doesn’t.

Living in Asia now has only made this struggle heavier. The beauty standards here are intense—petite, slim, fair-skinned, delicate features. And then there’s me: full-bodied, curvier, different in all the ways that seem to make me invisible. And even though I know Jesus doesn’t rank me based on those standards, it doesn’t stop me from feeling like I fall short.

It’s like I’m stuck between two voices: one that says, You are loved, chosen, created with purpose, and another that hisses, You’re not enough. Not pretty enough. Not desirable enough.

Understanding My Value

But here’s what I’m fighting to believe: Jesus created me with love and on purpose. Not by accident, not as an afterthought. Like Esther—who wasn’t just beautiful, but brave and positioned by God for something bigger than herself. I have to believe that about me too, even when my reflection tries to convince me otherwise.

And maybe even harder to accept is this: the body He gave me, it matches the purpose He’s called me to. That’s a hard truth to swallow on days when I feel like every inch of me needs fixing just to be seen. But God doesn’t make mistakes. Not with Esther. Not with me. Not with you.

His love doesn’t shift based on how much weight I have gained or lost or the amount of my I have from my hardworking in the gym. His love is steady. On the days I feel the ugliest—inside and out—He still calls me beloved. And honestly, that’s the only thing that keeps my self-esteem from crumbling completely.

Comparing Perfection to Imperfection

But even though I trust God to love me, I struggle so much when it comes to being seen as desirable by men. Because men? They’re not perfect. They’re flawed, just like I am. And I see their flaws — how often they judge based on appearance, even if they don’t mean to. That’s where my faith in God’s love and my fear of human rejection collide hard.

Take the gym, for example. Almost every time I’m there, I catch myself checking every angle people might see me from. I adjust my shirt. I avoid certain mirrors. And then I judge myself harshly based on how much fat I can see around my stomach or whether my double chin is noticeable when I look up. It's exhausting. I can’t just be—I’m constantly scanning, critiquing, comparing.

And it doesn’t help that I notice who gets attention—the girls who seem effortlessly desirable, who pass every society checklist without trying. Even though I know their perfection is often curated and filtered, it still makes me feel like I’m lacking. Like I’ll never quite measure up.

Media and society feed this lie that beauty equals worth. And even though I know better, I still get caught in that trap more often than I’d like to admit. It chips away at me, little by little.

The Role of Appearance

Let’s be real—looks matter, especially in dating. Men often prioritize appearance first. That’s the world we live in, and sometimes that truth cuts deep. Because while I’m trying to cultivate kindness, authenticity, and faith, it feels like none of that even gets a chance if I don’t pass the initial appearance test.

And yeah, attraction is important—I get that. But I also know I don’t want someone whose affection is built only on how I look. I want someone who values what actually lasts—my heart, my character, my faith. Because real love? The kind that reflects Christ? It goes so much deeper than skin.

Indian couple walking along the mountainside

Personal Experiences and Observations

I can’t even count the small moments that have chipped away at my confidence. The guy who flirted until someone slimmer walked in. The friend who casually commented that a certain man was “naturally going to choose a thin woman.” Even just scrolling through dating apps and feeling invisible because I don’t fit the type that gets chosen.

And I know I’m not the only one. I’ve had so many late-night talks with my single Christian girlfriends, and we all feel it—that ache, that fear that maybe we’re just not enough. Not pretty enough. Not desirable enough. It’s painful.

But there’s comfort in knowing I’m not fighting this battle alone. Sometimes just saying it out loud—naming the struggle—helps me breathe a little easier.

Finding Confidence in Christ

I wish I could say I’ve conquered these feelings, but I haven’t. What I can say is that I’m in process. Slowly, painfully, but surely, I’m learning to see myself the way God does.

I’m starting to shift my focus away from fixing what the world says is wrong with me and toward nurturing what God has already placed inside me—my compassion, my creativity, my resilience. These are the things that make me beautiful, even if they don’t show up in an Instagram photo or catch someone’s eye at the gym.

And every time I catch myself spiraling into comparison, I try to stop and remind myself:

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I have a purpose.

I am loved.

The Importance of Community and Support

Honestly, I couldn’t do this without community. I need friends who speak life over me when I can’t see it, who remind me that my worth doesn’t shrink or swell based on my reflection. I need mentors who call me back to God’s truth when I’m spiraling.

And I need Scripture verses like 1 Samuel 16:7: “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Setting Healthy Expectations

When it comes to dating, I’m slowly learning to set healthier expectations. Yes, attraction matters. I won’t pretend it doesn’t. But real compatibility? That’s about shared faith, emotional connection, mutual respect. That’s what I want.

And maybe most importantly, I’m trying to learn to wait. To trust that God sees me and knows my desires, even when it feels like He’s taking His sweet, sweet time. It’s hard. Some days it feels unbearable. But I’m clinging to the belief that His timing really is perfect.

Clinging to Biblical Truth

So where am I now? Still struggling. Still wrestling. But also slowly healing. And I’m learning, even on my worst days, that my worth isn’t up for debate. It was settled the moment Jesus chose me.

If you’re reading this and you feel the same ache—the same fear that you’re not enough—I want to remind you (and myself) of what’s true:

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)

You are chosen, holy, and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12)

God looks at your heart, not your outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7)

His love for you is unconditional and unchanging (Romans 8:38-39)

So when the world makes you feel less than, come back to these promises.

Let them be louder than the lies.

You are deeply, unshakably valuable—not because of how you look, but because of Whose you are.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Do you struggle with feeling desirable too? How has God met you in that place? Share your thoughts in the comments — let’s encourage each other in this hard, beautiful journey.