Shape of Your Heart

I used to think that as long as I was waiting physically, I was fine. But over time I’ve learned that feelings, thoughts, and emotional investments matter just as much. Guarding your heart now really does make a difference for your future marriage. It’s not about following rules. It’s about keeping your heart safe.

My gymnast making a heart at camp a few years ago

I’ve shared my struggles with this so many times, and honestly, it’s still hard. One memory that sticks with me was when I was a kid, pretending I was hanging out with the Backstreet Boys (yes, my age is showing). My mom walked by and asked what I was doing. When I explained, she just said, “That’s fine, but make sure it’s only friendly conversations. You have to be careful with that stuff.” I didn’t realize it then, but that simple comment touched on what would later become one of my biggest struggles.

As I got older, my imagination shifted from innocent fun to something that left my heart vulnerable. I would daydream about scenarios, ideas, or people who weren’t even real. I would invest emotionally in things that only existed in my mind. And honestly, it hurt me.

That’s what emotional purity has come to mean for me—keeping my heart and mind aligned with God while navigating relationships. Protecting my inner life, not just my actions. I’ve learned that guarding my emotions is just as important as guarding my body. When your heart is safe, you avoid so much unnecessary pain and confusion.

One of my biggest struggles has been over-investing emotionally. I’ve found myself thinking about someone constantly—even someone I didn’t actually know—or giving too much too soon in relationships. It feels natural when you long for love, but it’s risky. It builds expectations God hasn’t promised yet and makes trusting His timing much harder.

A beautiful sunset in Danang, Vietnam with a heart in the clouds

I’m learning to invest gradually and prayerfully. I ask God to guide me, to show me when I need to step back, and to help me care without losing myself. Sometimes that’s meant making tough choices. At one point, I even switched gyms just to protect my heart from someone I was drawn to. It wasn’t easy, but it was what I needed. Protecting your heart doesn’t mean shutting down. It means being intentional.

Fantasy has been another trap for me. I’ve wasted hours imagining perfect futures or falling in love with the idea of someone rather than who they really were. I’ve wrestled with lust, desires, impatience, and disappointment. It always left me feeling empty. Loving an idea never works the way you hope it will.

Now, I try to focus on reality. I look for character instead of getting caught up in chemistry or stories I’ve created in my head. It’s not always easy, but it keeps me grounded.

I’ve also learned the hard way about soul ties—deep emotional connections that can form even without physical intimacy. Some relationships and friendships left me bound in ways I didn’t expect. Untangling those ties took months, sometimes years. That’s why boundaries have been such a lifeline for me. Slowing down, stepping back, and releasing attachments that aren’t aligned with God’s plan has been painful, but also healing.

Practically, I guard my heart by paying attention to how much time, energy, and emotional space I’m giving to someone. I check myself often: am I giving too much too soon? I pray about my connections, journal my thoughts, and ask God to show me when I’m over-investing. (Honestly, a lot of what you’re reading comes straight out of those reflections.)

Emotional purity isn’t easy. Some days it feels impossible. I stumble, I fail, and I start again. But each step I take to guard my heart is a step toward a relationship that is healthier, whole, and joyful.

I long for marriage. But this journey of protecting my heart has taught me patience and trust. God sees the desires of my heart, and He hasn’t forgotten me. His timing is perfect, even when I feel restless or discouraged.

a painting of two people in the jungle by Kang Ki Hoon

The struggle isn’t proof that I’m failing. It’s proof that my heart matters. Every thought, every daydream, every attachment is an opportunity to trust God more. When I let Him lead, even my struggles become part of His shaping process.

Choosing emotional purity has become less about restriction and more about freedom. Freedom to wait with hope. Freedom to love wisely. Freedom to find joy even in the waiting.

I’m still learning.

I still dream too much.

I still stumble.

But God’s grace keeps meeting me right where I am. And I believe that when the right person comes, I’ll be ready—with a heart that is free, whole, and fully His.