Just the Way You Are

My gold medal from my powerlifting competition

I have learned that life feels so much freer when I choose to live for what I actually like and not what people say I should like. Especially as a single woman who wants to get married, it can feel like the whole world has an opinion on what I should wear, eat, or enjoy if I ever want to find a husband. The pressure is heavy sometimes. But I don’t want to live my life molding myself into a version that pleases everyone else while burying the person God actually made me to be.

For me, one of the clearest examples of this is powerlifting. I compete in lifting heavy weights, and I love it. It is not something girls are usually encouraged to do, and it definitely isn’t something people think of as “feminine.” I have heard plenty of comments about how guys would never want to date or marry a girl who trains like I do. But the truth is, I don’t lift to impress anyone. I lift because I genuinely enjoy it.

When I am in the gym, I feel strong, alive, and like I am doing something that God gave me the passion to pursue. It doesn’t matter if it is “typical” for a girl or not. This is part of who I am, and I don’t want to hide it just to fit into someone else’s idea of what will make me marriage material.

That desire to be fully myself spills into the way I think about marriage. I want a husband, yes. I long for marriage and I pray for it all the time. But more than anything, I want a husband who loves me for me. Not for who he hopes I could become if I changed, but for who I already am today.

The problem is that people around me don’t always believe that is possible. I’ve heard the discouraging words more times than I can count. They say things like, “No guy wants a Christian girl who lifts heavy weights.” “No guy wants a girl who is saving herself for marriage.” “You’re too fat.” “Your job requires too many sacrifices.” “You don’t fit beauty standards.” “You’re too quirky.” “You can’t eat like a normal person.” The list goes on.

I wish I could say those comments don’t bother me, but they do sometimes. It hurts when people tell me that all the things that make me, me, are the very reasons I won’t ever find someone. The temptation is to shrink myself, to edit out the parts of my personality or interests that might be too much. But then I remember that I don’t want to settle for someone who only likes me when I pretend. I want someone who sees the whole picture and still chooses me.

Me competing my final bench press at 75kg.

That’s why my prayers have become really bold. Sometimes I ask God to bring me exactly the kind of man who will love me as I am, not as the world says I should be. I even pray that He will provide this man in a way that shows His power to the friends in my life who don’t believe. Because they know how deeply I want to get married. They see my heartache, and some of them flat out say it will never happen. How incredible would it be if God provided what everyone else thought was impossible?

To me, that would be such a beautiful way for God to display His power. Not just to me, but to the people around me. It would be Him saying, “I see you. I made you. I can provide for you in ways that no one else believes are possible.” That is the kind of testimony I want to carry into my marriage one day. Not a story of me changing everything about myself to finally catch someone’s eye, but a story of God doing what no one thought He could do.

While I wait, I remind myself of the truth. I am a great catch. That isn’t pride talking, it is confidence in the fact that God didn’t make a mistake with me. Yes, maybe guys need a little time to get to know me. I’m not the kind of girl that always stands out at first glance. But once you do get to know me, I am fun, joyful, and deeply committed to the people I love.

I am learning not to measure my worth by other people’s comments. I don’t need to fit into a perfect beauty standard or a perfect personality box. I don’t need to pretend to enjoy hobbies that bore me just because someone said that is what “guys like.” God already knows me completely, and He says I am valuable as I am. My quirks, my passion for lifting, my faith, my job, and even the things the world calls flaws are all part of the package that makes me, me.

So I choose to keep living this way. I choose to keep doing the things I love, like competing in powerlifting. I choose to keep pursuing my career, even if it comes with sacrifices. I choose to keep holding onto my convictions, like saving myself for marriage. And I choose to keep being quirky and unique because I know God designed me that way.

Marriage is still something I hope for. It is still a desire I bring before God again and again. And I won’t pretend that waiting is easy. It can be lonely and it can feel hopeless at times. But I also believe that if and when God brings a husband into my life, it will not be because I bent over backwards trying to be someone else. It will be because God kept His promise to provide, and because the right man saw me as I truly am and wanted that.

Living for what I like instead of what people say I should like has not always been the easier road, but it has been the better one. It has taught me to trust God more deeply and to rest in His design for my life. It has helped me grow a confidence that doesn’t depend on attention from men but on knowing who I am in Christ. And it has given me peace that when marriage does come, it will be a gift from God, not something I forced by hiding myself.

photo from Unsplash

So this is where I stand. I am not less because I am single. I am not less because I don’t check every box of what people say makes a woman desirable. I am whole because God made me this way, and I am hopeful because I know He is able to provide even the impossible.

And if one day He chooses to bring a husband into my life who loves me exactly as I am, then that will be the most beautiful reminder that God sees me and that He delights in writing my story.