Call Me Maybe

Let’s be real for a second: flirting as a Christian woman can feel confusing. One friend and I often joke about this because she always has a new crush; and, we find ourselves strategizing about how she can let him know she's interested—without feeling like she’s doing too much.

a young adult pair of a girl and boy gleefully looking at each other as the sit on a bench facing opposite directions

Another friend and I? We're actually pretty good at flirting…or so we thought. The funny thing is, guys often see our playful energy as just friendly. Maybe it's our personalities, or maybe it's because of our size (hello, plus-size girls often get misread).

And then there are the girls who swear they never initiate anything; the guys just pursue them. Meanwhile, I’ve read advice that suggests acting in ways that feel totally unnatural for me, like pretending to be super shy or overly mysterious.

So, what’s the best way to show interest?

Let’s get into my take—five things to do and five things to avoid if you’re a Christian woman hoping to get married someday. And yes, we’ll even pull some wisdom from Ruth and Esther because they knew what they were doing.

5 Dos for Christian Women Looking to Get Married

1. Do Show Interest Clearly but Modestly

Let’s talk about Ruth. Sis was bold. She literally went to the threshing floor at night and laid at Boaz's feet to let him know she was interested in marriage (Ruth 3). Sounds wild today, but back then, it was culturally appropriate and clear—not desperate or manipulative.

For us, showing interest doesn’t have to be complicated. Smile, make eye contact, and be approachable. If you’re talking to someone you like, it’s okay to give a sincere compliment or ask thoughtful questions. It’s about creating space for a connection without chasing someone down.

2. Do Prepare Yourself Like Esther

Esther’s story is another gem. Before she met King Xerxes, she went through twelve months of preparation (Esther 2:12). While I’m not saying you need a year-long beauty routine (unless you want to, of course!), the principle still applies: prepare yourself spiritually, emotionally, and yes, physically.

Take care of your heart. Grow in your faith. Work on becoming the kind of woman who’s ready for the relationship you desire. Not for a man but for you and the future you’re praying for.

a woman in a field of wildflowers praying with her arm lifted

3. Do Pray About Your Interactions

This might sound super "churchy," but it makes a real difference. Pray before you go on that date. Pray when you start catching feelings. Pray for wisdom on when to lean in and when to step back. God actually cares about your love life, and inviting Him into the small moments can help you avoid unnecessary stress and confusion.

4. Do Let Your Personality Shine

One thing that gets lost in all the dating advice? Being yourself. I've had people suggest I act extra coy or super mysterious, but honestly, that’s not me—and I bet it's not you either. God made you with a specific personality for a reason. Flirt in a way that feels natural. If you’re bubbly, let that show. If you’re more reserved, that’s beautiful too.

5. Do Respect Cultural and Church Norms (When They Align with Scripture)

Back to Ruth—she was bold, but she also knew how to work within the expectations of her community. The same goes for us. Be mindful of the environment you’re in. Some churches and communities have certain “dating cultures,” and while you shouldn’t compromise your values, understanding the context can help you avoid misunderstandings.

5 Don’ts for Christian Women Looking to Get Married

1. Don’t Play Games or Manipulate

Flirting shouldn't feel like a game of chess where you're always trying to stay one move ahead. Ruth didn’t manipulate Boaz; she simply made her intentions known. So, if you like someone, be clear but gracious. Don’t fall into the trap of playing hard to get or using jealousy to get attention. That’s exhausting and not God-honoring.

2. Don’t Compromise Your Values

Sometimes in the pressure to be noticed, it’s tempting to lower your standards — physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Don’t do it. God’s best for you doesn’t require you to compromise. If a guy only notices you when you cross boundaries you’re not comfortable with, he’s not your Boaz. PERIOD

3. Don’t Assume All Attention Equals Interest

a man stares at a young woman in a bikini at a mud festival

Just because a guy is friendly or talks to you often doesn’t automatically mean he’s interested in more. This one’s hard, especially when you’re hoping for something to spark. But staying grounded and observing his actions over time can save you from heartbreak. Don’t overanalyze every little thing—if he’s serious, he’ll make that clear.

4. Don’t Let Fear Keep You From Showing Interest

On the flip side, some women miss opportunities because they’re afraid of being too forward. Ruth took a risk by letting Boaz know she was interested. Healthy relationships often start when someone is brave enough to show interest. Don’t let fear of rejection keep you from taking a small, faith-filled step.

5. Don’t Neglect Inner Growth While Waiting

Esther didn’t just sit around waiting—she prepared. And that’s our call too. Don’t put your life on hold until you meet someone. Keep growing in your faith, chasing your dreams, and becoming the woman God has called you to be. Marriage is a beautiful goal, but it’s not your ultimate purpose—Christlikeness is.

Final Thoughts

Ruth was bold and intentional. Esther prepared herself and trusted God with her future. As Christian women, we can take interest, make moves, and still walk fully in faith and wisdom.

a man and woman chatting seaside while sitting on a short log fence

Don’t let fear, comparison, or confusing advice hold you back. At the same time, stand firm in your values and remember your worth isn’t tied to someone choosing you—it’s already secured in Christ.

So go ahead, be clear, be confident, and be yourself. Take the small, faith-filled steps that align with who God made you to be. And trust that as you do your part, God is more than faithful to do His. Your story is unfolding beautifully, and it’s worth every step of the journey.

I’d love to hear from you! What are your wins, fails, and lessons learned when it comes to flirting and showing interest? Drop a comment and share your story—let’s learn from each other!