King of My Heart

I really, really want to get married. Like, without a doubt, without hesitation, without second-guessing — I know it’s a deep desire of my heart. It's something I've prayed about, dreamed about, and thought through more times than I can count.

But if I'm honest, there's also a fear that lingers beneath that excitement. Not fear of finding the wrong person, not fear of commitment, not even fear of being vulnerable (okay, maybe a little of that too) — but a bigger, deeper fear. I’m afraid that if and when I do get married,

a temple in Narita Japan

I'll put my husband in a place in my heart that only God should occupy.

And I think in some way, we all can relate to that fear. Whether it’s about a relationship, a career goal, a dream, or even something as simple as success or approval, it’s so, so easy to let good things become ultimate things. It’s easy to take gifts God gives us and turn them into idols.

Right now, as a single woman, I have a million distractions fighting for my attention. My schedule, my ambitions, my friendships, my phone, my plans for the future. And even with all of that noise, it’s already a daily battle to keep God in the center of it all. Some mornings I wake up and remember to pray first thing — other days, I’m halfway through a to-do list before I realize I haven't even said “Good morning” to God.

So what happens when I find someone I truly love? When it's not just me and my calendar and my own plans anymore, but another person — a person I’m committed to, building a life with, sharing my heart with? Can I actually love someone deeply while still keeping God first?

Honestly, it scares me. Because loving someone is messy and vulnerable and all-consuming in the best ways. And marriage is supposed to be a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church — sacrificial, unconditional, joyful — which is a beautiful thing.

But if I'm not careful, I could easily make it the thing. I could start to believe that my husband is the one who saves me from loneliness, who fulfills my deepest needs, who gives my life meaning. And as wonderful as marriage is meant to be, no human being is equipped to carry that weight.

Only God can handle that role in my heart.

It’s funny — I think sometimes the biggest dangers aren’t the obvious wrong choices. It’s not the things that scream “this is bad for you” that trip us up the most. It’s the good things that sneak quietly onto the throne of our hearts, little by little, until we realize we’ve replaced God without even meaning to.

a cloud with that seems to spread from a far and narrow lit path into a clear blue sky

Marriage is a good thing.

Love is a good thing.

But they are not God.

And so the question I keep coming back to is this:

Can I love someone fully while loving God most?

I want the answer to be yes. I believe the answer can be yes. But I also know it’s not going to happen automatically. It’s going to take intentionality, a heart posture that keeps checking in, keeps realigning, keeps surrendering.

I think part of it starts now — before the relationship even begins. If I’m not practicing putting God first in my singleness, it’s going to be a lot harder to figure it out once someone else is involved. If my habits right now are built around my comfort and my convenience, it’s unrealistic to think I’ll magically change when life gets even busier and fuller.

So today, before the ring, before the vows, before the forever promises, I’m asking God to help me.

Help me worship Him first.

Help me anchor my identity in Him.

Help me find my fulfillment in Him.

Because when I do that, when I really do that, I’ll be able to love my future husband better, not worse. I won’t be asking him to fill a hole only God can fill. I won’t be setting him up to disappoint me by demanding he be my everything.

Instead, we can both come to the table already full, already loved, already whole — able to give to each other out of the overflow instead of the emptiness.

I know I’ll probably still struggle. I know there will be days when I get it wrong, when I put someone else’s opinion or affection above God’s voice in my life.

But I also know God is gracious. And He knows my heart .He knows I don’t want to put anyone — even the man I love — on a pedestal that belongs only to Him.

So if you're like me — dreaming of a relationship, or chasing a goal, or longing for something good — but worried about letting it take over your heart, know this:

You’re not alone.

a lake within a park in Narita Japan

And the answer isn’t to shut down your dreams or desires.

The answer is to bring them to God, over and over and over again.

Ask Him to keep your heart soft and your priorities straight.

Ask Him to bless the gifts without letting them replace the Giver.

Because at the end of the day, the best things in life are safest in second place.

The first spot belongs to Him.

Always