No Roots

Willow tree by the Han River in Seoul, South Korea

You download the app. You set your preferences. And before long, your screen is filled with profiles claiming to be “God-fearing,” “Jesus-loving,” and “Christian.” You think, "Finally, some Godly options!" until you read a little further.

Some are easy to weed out. They say “Christian” but also say they’re “looking for something casual” or “open to intimacy without commitment.” Their profiles are filled with mixed signals—Bible verses and shirtless selfies in the same breath. You swipe left without hesitation.

But then come the harder ones. The guys who seem like they really love God. They list church involvement. They talk about prayer. Maybe they even lead worship or do mission work. At first glance, they appear to check every spiritual box.

But here’s the question we have to ask: When the app closes and the small talk fades—is there real fruit?

The Bible teaches us to look past performance and appearance, and instead look for lasting, Spirit-grown fruit.

“By their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:16

Let’s talk about how to navigate dating in a world where “Christian” is often just a label—and how to recognize when it’s actually a lifestyle.

It’s easy to be impressed by what looks good on paper—or in a profile. He’s active in church, volunteers with kids, shares Scripture on social media, and even references his “relationship with God” in his bio. It sounds great, right?

But all of that can be part of a carefully curated spiritual resume—not evidence of a surrendered heart.

The truth is, anyone can say they love Jesus. Anyone can learn the language of Christian culture. But the real test isn’t in the bio, it’s in the behavior.

Public faith without private fruit is just performance.

One of my favorite Korean kids when she was 2 years old copying the adults she sees worshipping.

We have to be careful not to fall for the image of godliness instead of seeking the substance of spiritual maturity.

Jesus made it clear that the way to spot what’s real is to look for fruit. In Matthew 7:15–20, He warns about people who appear righteous on the outside but are inwardly something else entirely.

“A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit…Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” (v. 18, 20)

What kind of fruit should we be looking for?

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22–23

These qualities don’t come from effort or performance—they come from the Holy Spirit working in someone’s life.

1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that love isn’t about sounding spiritual. It's about how we treat others. Without love, all our words, prayers, and works mean nothing.

Jesus wasn’t impressed by outward acts. He cared about the heart behind them. And so should we.

Let’s be real—there are guys on dating apps who use the label “Christian” because it makes them seem trustworthy or desirable. Sometimes, they might even believe they are walking with God… but the fruit says otherwise.

Here are some signs the guy you're talking to may be performing faith instead of living it:

• He says he loves Jesus but also says he’s not ready for commitment. He wants the benefits of intimacy without the covenant.

• He talks about God publicly, but avoids spiritual conversations privately. He keeps things surface-level.

• He treats church like a stage, but coworkers and family see a different side. Watch how he treats people who don’t boost his image.

• He posts about his “walk with God” but is rude, selfish, or lacks integrity in real life.

• He resists accountability. A godly man welcomes spiritual guidance and correction.

It’s easy to pray well in a group. It’s much harder to show patience with a frustrating boss. Real fruit shows up when no one’s watching.

Dating app profile I saw on Bumble. The man said he was Christian but was looking for intimate relations without any type of relationship.

So how do you know if he’s real?

Whether you meet him on an app, in a small group, or at a coffee shop, discernment is key. Here’s what you can do:

• Take your time. Don’t get swept up by charisma or chemistry. Watch his life over time.

• Ask intentional questions. What is God teaching him? How does he handle conflict? What’s his relationship like with family? Does he pursue purity in his own life?

• Observe how he treats others. Especially those who can't give him anything in return—like servers, strangers, or siblings.

• Check for consistency. Does he display the fruit of the Spirit on a hard day? When he’s inconvenienced? When things don’t go his way?

• Talk to people who know him. Community is crucial. If no one can vouch for his character, that’s a red flag.

• Pray for discernment. James 1:5 promises God gives wisdom freely to those who ask.

Apps can be useful tools, but they can’t show you fruit. Only time, testing, and the Holy Spirit can.

It can feel discouraging, I know. You finally find someone who seems “different,” only to realize the fruit isn’t there. But don’t lower your standards to match your timeline.

You're not being too picky by looking for a man who genuinely walks with God. That’s called discernment.

God honors your patience. He honors your trust. And He sees your heart, wanting not just a Christian in name, but a man who reflects Christ in every part of his life.

Don’t fear being single. Fear settling for someone who looks godly but doesn’t live it.

Remember: God doesn’t judge by outward appearance. He looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). And He wants His daughters to see with spiritual eyes, too.

So the next time you come across that guy who seems like the perfect Christian man, ask yourself:

Is this man led by the Spirit… or by the spotlight?

Does he have real fruit… or just a polished resume?

Flowers blooming and beautiful plants at a cafe in Danang, Vietnam

Trust God’s timing. Stay rooted in truth. And keep your eyes open—not just for charm or chemistry—but for lasting, Spirit-grown fruit.

Because the one who is worth your heart will first be fully surrendered to His.

Let’s talk about it—have you ever been misled by a "Christian resume"?

Drop a comment below and share your experience or encouragement for other women walking this journey. And if this post encouraged you, share it with a friend who needs the reminder: fruit over flash. Always.