Oops...I Did It Again

My friend sitting on some stairs tired, starving, and regretting her decision to follow me to meet friends

I made a mistake. A mistake that I know a lot of us have been tempted to make.

You know those moments of wondering and loneliness? The ones where your brain spirals and your heart aches, and you just… fall? Yeah, I fell.

Now, the secular world usually blames this kind of thing on a night out and one too many drinks. But for me? Sober and just trying to mind my business, I messaged my ex.

Not for closure. Not even for drama. I just missed him.

And here’s the twist: he’s not even technically my ex. We were never “official.” But we saw each other nearly every day. We talked about our future. We shared feelings. We danced around the line of more. We just never crossed it—because I wouldn’t.

Why?

Because he doesn’t believe in God.

Especially here in Asia, where I currently live, dating or even marrying someone of a different faith is super common. It’s not seen as a big deal. But for me, that was the dealbreaker. The only dealbreaker, really.

It was the one reason we couldn’t move forward, and probably the one reason people around me didn’t fully understand why we weren’t “together.”

He was kind.

Respectful.

Funny.

He even shared many of my values…except for the one I can’t compromise on.

I don’t expect someone to be perfect. But I do need someone who is walking with Jesus. And he wasn’t.

So I ended things—or rather, I chose not to start something more. But that doesn’t mean the feelings disappeared.

It all started innocently. I just wanted a workout buddy. Someone to lift weights with and keep me motivated. We had no chemistry at first, which made it feel safe. But the more I got to know him, the more I liked him. Not just the “oh he’s cute” kind of like. The “I could really see myself with this person” kind of like.

pic of an emoji

We communicated well. We had similar values and shared goals. His personality was magnetic, and I genuinely enjoyed being around him.

But then came the big “but.” The spiritual incompatibility. And not just the kind that could maybe work itself out later. He was honest—he had no interest in God.

So I did what I knew I had to do. I protected my heart before things got deeper.

I chose obedience over potential.

I chose faith over feelings.

And I’ve stood by that choice… mostly.

Every so often, I get hit with the “what if” spiral:

What if he becomes a believer one day?

What if he’s the only man who could ever love me like that?

What if I’m the one person who can help lead him to Christ?

It’s hard not to over-romanticize the possibilities. It's even harder not to spiritualize them. But I’ve had to be honest with myself: those aren’t good reasons to date—or marry—someone who isn’t pursuing God.

Still, I worry about him. Not in a possessive way, but in a deep, eternal way. I worry about his soul. I wonder if he’ll ever see what I see in Jesus. And sometimes, I wonder if I should be the one to tell him again.

So I did it. I messaged him. Just a casual “Hey, how have you been?” that turned into four hours of catching up. Talking about life. Asking questions. Me low-key trying to figure out if he’d had any change of heart when it comes to faith.

I won’t lie—I was hoping he might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about God lately.”

SPOILER: He didn’t.

The message I sent my 'ex' with translations on top.

And deep down, I know the real reason I reached out wasn’t just to see if he was okay. It was to see if the door was still cracked open. To see if maybe, just maybe, this story wasn’t quite over.

I want to be with him. I really do. That’s hard to admit. But I also know that my desire for a relationship can’t override my desire to honor God.

I keep telling myself to move on—and in many ways, I have. But those little lingering feelings? Yeah, they’re still there.

And here’s what I’ve realized: just because something feels right doesn’t mean it is. Just because you care about someone doesn’t mean they’re your person.

Especially if that person isn’t walking in the same direction as you spiritually.

Obedience doesn’t always feel good in the moment. But it protects us from something far worse: building a future on a foundation that can’t hold.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oof… I’ve been there,” I want you to know you’re not alone.

Maybe you’ve messaged your ex. Maybe you’re in love with someone you can’t be with. Maybe you're trying to convince yourself that this time it’ll work out.

I get it.

Truly

But I also know this: God honors the hard choices. He sees the late-night tears and the lonely scrolls and the texts you don’t send. And He’s not just trying to keep you from something painful—He’s trying to give you something better.

Something whole.

Something eternal.

If this hit home for you, let’s talk. I’d love to hear your story—whether you’ve let someone go, are in the middle of wrestling with it, or you’re just confused and heart-heavy.

Drop a comment below or send me a message. Let’s encourage each other to stay faithful, even when it’s hard.

Obedience may cost something now, but it’s always worth it later. Let’s walk this out together.