Who Says

Does being a Christian female automatically mean you’re destined to become a Proverbs 31 woman? And if so, what even is that supposed to look like? Do I need a husband to get there? What if I don’t want one?

Clip from the 2004 movie The Stepford Wives

These questions aren’t just random—they’re the kind that sit quietly in the back of your mind while you're navigating faith, purpose, and identity in a world that assumes every godly woman is trying to be the perfect housewife.

Let’s be real: the Proverbs 31 woman is often held up like this spiritual gold standard, as if once you reach that level of domestic, spiritual, and emotional perfection, you’ve “made it.” There’s this unspoken pressure, especially in Christian communities, that if you’re not aiming to be this gentle homemaker with a perfectly ironed blouse and a roast in the oven by 5pm, then you’re missing the point.

And it’s frustrating.

Because that’s not everyone’s calling—and it NEVER was.

When I read Proverbs 31, I don’t just see a checklist for how to win a husband or be the best wife. I see a woman who is deeply rooted in her identity in God. She’s wise, resourceful, compassionate, and steady.

And while yes, she is married and caring for her husband, that isn’t the only thing she’s doing. Her worth isn’t found in her marital status—it’s in who she is and how she lives in alignment with God.

In my opinion, the Proverbs 31 woman isn’t just about being married. It’s deeper than that. It’s about reflecting Christ in our everyday lives. We’re called the bride of Christ for a reason.

He is the bridegroom.

This woman in Proverbs represents what it means to live in readiness, care, and connection with God. She is someone who prepares, who brings peace, who serves not because she has to, but because it’s her nature.

She doesn’t waste her time. She puts her skills to work with purpose. She isn’t loud about what she does—she shows up consistently and lets her life speak. That’s strength. That’s beauty. And that can exist in marriage or in singleness.

And yet, people see a young Christian woman and automatically assume marriage is the goal. Like the second you say you love Jesus, someone’s trying to sign you up for a marriage conference or hand you a book about how to pray for your future husband.

My friend's outdoor wedding in Korea.

What if

...I’m not praying for a husband?

...I’m praying for clarity, boldness, healing, or purpose?

...I’m already whole and not waiting for someone else to validate my faith?

It’s exhausting when people assume your entire spiritual journey is geared toward preparing to be a wife. Because being a godly woman doesn’t mean your story ends in a wedding dress. For some of us (hopefully not me), God has different plans—and that doesn’t make us less faithful or less aligned with Scripture.

Proverbs 31 is full of principles that go way beyond the home. She’s smart with money. That might look like not overspending, choosing quality over quantity, or starting creative ventures that are sustainable and purposeful.

She works diligently—not frantically, not in burnout, but with intention. She prepares for the coming seasons. That’s not just literal winter coats or food in the pantry. It’s emotional readiness. It’s spiritual grounding.

She looks out for people in need, not to post about it or build a brand, but because her heart is wired to love. She lifts others up with words that are honest and kind. Not sugary sweet, not fake encouragement. Honest, wise, timely truth that makes people feel seen.

She doesn’t waste time chasing things that don’t matter. She knows what’s worth investing in. She laughs at the future—not because it’s always easy, but because she trusts God enough to know she doesn’t have to panic.

These are qualities that can live and breathe in someone who is married, yes. But also in someone who is single, someone who is waiting, someone who is healing, someone who is simply living.

There’s this quiet kind of power in being a woman who lives like that, regardless of her relationship status. It’s not about baking bread from scratch or waking up at 4am to iron your husband’s shirts. It’s about being rooted. It’s about showing up to your life with grace, wisdom, and strength. And not because someone told you to, but because

it’s who you are in Christ.

Singleness is not a waiting room. It’s not the pre-game to “real” life. You don’t become a Proverbs 31 woman once you get married—you are one in the way you live, love, and serve right now. Your diligence, your kindness, your financial wisdom, your peace, your readiness—those all reflect a heart that belongs to God.

And no, not everyone wants to get married. That shouldn’t be shocking. We’ve got to stop treating marriage like the finish line of spiritual womanhood. It’s a beautiful thing, but it’s not the only thing. There’s purpose in every season.

My sister's wedding dress

There’s glory in your story even if it doesn’t include a white dress and a bouquet.

So, what does it mean to be a Christian woman in light of Proverbs 31? It means embracing the character and courage God calls us to. It means living wisely, loving deeply, and giving freely. It means being steady, not perfect. It means trusting God more than we trust our timelines or cultural expectations.

It means that whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married—you’re still invited to live with intention and honor. You’re still called to reflect the heart of Christ. And none of that depends on your last name or who sleeps next to you at night.

Let’s stop treating Proverbs 31 like a manual for wife auditions. It’s not about pleasing a husband. It’s about honoring the One who created you. And that calling? That purpose? That strength? It’s yours, right now, just as you are.

If this resonates with you, take a moment to reflect on how you’re already living out Proverbs 31—not in the future, not when your life looks a certain way, but right now. Then leave a comment below: What does being a Proverbs 31 woman mean to you? Are you single, married, unsure, or somewhere in between? I’d love to hear your thoughts, your frustrations, your stories. Let’s open up the conversation and remind each other that purpose isn’t limited to a relationship status.