You Can’t Hurry Love

Me looking at the ocean from a cafe in Ganghwado

The Honest Truth About My Dating Life in Asia

If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you already know, I’m not shy about sharing that I want to get married. It’s not a secret, and honestly, I prefer it that way. Friends, coworkers, baristas, random people on the subway—I’m very open about the fact that I am actively, intentionally, and sometimes desperately, trying to meet someone I could build a life with.

Apps? I’m on all of them. Social gatherings? Yep, I go with the clear mission of "Let’s see if I meet someone today." Some people go to parties for fun, I go husband-hunting. And no, I’m not embarrassed to admit it. In fact, I think more of us should normalize being upfront about what we want.

But let’s talk about the giant elephant in the room. Or maybe, the slightly larger-than-average elephant (which would be me). Being a plus-size woman in Asia? Not exactly a winning combination when it comes to dating. If you know, you know. Standards of beauty here are, let’s just say, not in my favor. And while confidence can move mountains, sometimes it feels like the dating mountains in this region are built a little too high.

So today, I want to share a conversation I had recently with a friend, a conversation that honestly sums up how I feel about the dating scene out here. It was funny, a little sad, but also real. And I think a lot of you will relate, no matter where in the world you are.

My Daily Escape: The Coffee Shop Chronicles

There’s this coffee shop I go to every single day. Like clockwork. It’s my safe space, my home away from home. I know the owner, who goes by John in English, and I’ve become friends with the baristas and a few of the regulars. We talk about everything: work, family, faith, even embarrassing dating stories. No secrets allowed in this little community we’ve built.

So of course, they all know about my desire to get married and the various ways I’ve been putting myself out there. They cheer me on, they laugh with me, and sometimes, they shake their heads at my dating adventures.

a barista from the cafe taking a picture of my dog through the window

One day, as I was sipping my usual order and scrolling through yet another dating app, John asked me a question that caught me off guard.

"Do you prefer men from a certain country? Or are there nationalities you’d rather not meet?"

I paused, thinking about it. But honestly, my answer came pretty quickly.

"I really don’t have a preference when it comes to nationality. I care about his relationship with God and whether our values and life goals line up. That’s it."

John knows my faith is super important to me. So he nods and then asks,

"So, Koreans are okay?"

And I was like,

"Yes! Of course. I have no issue marrying a Korean or anyone Asian if they’re a believer and we’re aligned."

But then John, with a little smirk, drops this line:

"But you know… Koreans our age who are still single? They’re a bit extreme."

Without missing a beat, I shot back,

"But you know what’s even more extreme than single Korean men? Foreign men who are in Korea."

We both burst out laughing because, well… it’s true. And John immediately agreed.

"Right. Right."

He didn’t even try to argue.

The Reality Check I Didn’t Want but Kinda Needed

John went on to explain something I knew but didn’t really want to admit out loud. According to him, most of the “good” Korean guys, the ones who are serious, family-oriented, and grounded tend to get married early.

Like, late twenties to thirty. So the ones who are still single in their mid-thirties or older? Well… let’s just say they’re often single for a reason. Either they don’t want to settle down, or they come with some “not amazing” qualities that make things complicated.

And honestly? I mostly agree. I want to say I wholeheartedly agree, but I also want to leave a little space—just a sliver—for hope. Because, some good ones are still out there, right? Please tell me yes. (Even if it’s just to keep me from completely giving up.)

But then there’s the foreigner scene, which, as John and I joked, can sometimes be even more chaotic. A lot of the foreign men who are hanging around in Korea are knee deep in yellow-fever or have left their home country due to not being able to handle it there? Whew. It's a mixed bag. Some are great, but others are… let’s just say, not exactly husband material.

Why I’m Still Showing Up

You might be wondering at this point why I keep going. Why I keep showing up at events, keep swiping on apps, and keep praying for someone to show up in my life when the odds feel stacked against me.

an orange daisy and pink roses I received from a friend

It’s simple: because I believe that the desires in my heart were put there for a reason. And while the journey has been frustrating (and sometimes downright hilarious in its absurdity), I’m not ready to give up yet.

I still go to my favorite coffee shop every day. I still chat with John and the crew. I still scroll through apps, go to gatherings, and put on a little extra mascara just in case today’s the day.

And maybe that’s what dating is, no matter where you are — a mix of hope, humor, and a little bit of delusion.

Let’s Be Real Together

If you’ve made it this far, I want to say thank you for reading. And if you’re someone who’s also navigating the dating world, whether in Asia, back home, or anywhere else, I want you to know you’re not alone.

So here’s my little call to action: if you’ve got a funny, awkward, or real story about your own dating adventures, drop it in the comments or message me. Let’s laugh (or cry) about it together. And if you’re out there hoping, praying, and still showing up like me—consider this your reminder to keep going.

Because somewhere out there, maybe there’s someone else scrolling, showing up, and hoping too.